The best and the most healthy relationships have plenty of together time and also plenty of alone time. And I didn’t know this.
For the last 11 years, my life revolved around my ex to whom I have dedicated my whole life to. I cling onto him, so when we are not together, my insecurity grows. My self esteem was at its lowest, my self worth was compromised. I wanted him around 24/7. I have forgotten how to build my own life, I have forgotten how to enrich myself, and I have forgotten my worth. Thus, the relationship eventually disintegrate because of an accumulation of resentments because of lack of space from each other.
But now I know better. I remember the bad times because it’s where I pick up and learn the lessons. I always say, there are no mistakes, only lessons learned.
I have never been married but I know too well that space can create balance into the relationship, it eliminates suffocation as it allows growth.
But let me tell you this as well, when you take sometime away from your partner, keep self-doubt and fear of whether you are doing the right thing at bay.
You both need a time off from each other. Use that space to enrich your own life, to reconnect with yourself. Remember, there is a life outside the home. Do whatever makes you sane, go find solace and solitude and read a book, or you could meet up with friends who will remind you how great life still is even after marriage, or you could reunite with your hobbies. Keep in touch with your self, reassess your realities, and be more keen to your sanity.
On the other hand, with today’s busy lifestyles, it’s all too easy for spouses to live very different lives. The common scenario is, the husband is busy at work where he has bunch of friends, a bunch of responsibilities, and more often than not, as a wife you know very little about this. And you are home with the kids where you do all kinds of things he knows nothing about. When you’re together, you’re often busy you don’t really share what happened in your day. And without realizing it, you start to grow apart.
To avoid this, make an honest effort to at least know the people that he spends time with. In this manner, you’ve got to bond to your husband not only at home but also outside the home. This keeps the balance in your married life.
Therefore, in as much as it is important to spend time alone, it is also very vital in a relationship to be part in each other’s lives.
The bottom line is, in this journey, I learned not to make your partner or husband your whole life but rather be part of his whole life.
That’s when true fairy tale happens.